Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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