I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
