I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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