I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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