The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
