I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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