he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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