you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
