yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
