I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize