She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
