My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
