I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
