Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
