you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
