Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
