i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
