I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We left an ass print on the piano.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
