summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
