508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
