he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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