one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
