this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
