sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
