your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
