i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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