I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
