the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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