Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
