we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am available for nakedness
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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