and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
