I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
