The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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