Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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