I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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