i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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