she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
