Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
