u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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