last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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