i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
