question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
