My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
