Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to cum in my sink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
