I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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