I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
