We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
