I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
