dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
