Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
