She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
