My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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