goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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