Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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