I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
