Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
