nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
