Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
