Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
